Yesterday Was Thursday

It's Friday, Friday, Friday!!!

Are we we we so excited?

YES.

Because it's not just ANY Friday...

[dum dum DUMMM]

...it's Friday the 13th, lollipops.

Er...I mean, suckers. Yeah.

So beware...

AAIIIEEEEE!!!

...because today, your baked goods just might try to KILL YOU:

More than usual, I mean.

"I don't remember any legs, but it definitely had arms, because it reached out for me!"

"And then...then it started free-handing flowers with the star tip!!"

AAAAIIIEEEE!!!

Thanks to Joy F., Diess, Ashley W., Rebecca R., & Kimberly C., who think this calls for another visit to...[dum dum DUMMM] Hell's Bakery:

"Enjoy!"

Oh, and remember: tomorrow is Saturday.

And Sunday comes afterward.

Totally Awesome

"Bakers, it has come to our attention that 'morale' is 'low.' Therefore, effective immediately, we will be instituting mandatory staff meetings every Friday at 3pm to get to the bottom of this problem.



During these meetings you will each be required to list at least one 'awesome' thing about working here. Susan, GO."



"Oh, come on, this is so STU...."



"Did I mention this will be on your monthly review?"



"...PENDOUS! Haha! Yeah! [grabbing manager by lapels] WORKING HERE IS AWESOME."



"Something more specific, please."



"Oh. Ok. Um...



"Oh, I know! Making the candy apples is awesome.

"It really gets my aggressive tendencies out."

"I...see. Bob?"

"I like misspelling things and then convincing the customer it's actually spelled that way."

"Cracks me up every time!"

"Bob, I'm not sure this is exactly..."



"Ooh, yeah! And scaring the kids! That is SO awesome, am I right?" [high-fiveing Bob]





"Alright, everyone, if you'll just wait your turn..."

"Oooh, crap!"



"What's wrong, Debra?"



"No, that's my awesome thing! Putting chocolate poo swirls on everything!"

"I call it my number two special. Haha!"

[sigh] "And Mary? What about you?"



"I like giving the customers exactly what they ask for."



"Ah, excellent! You see, everyone? Now this is...



"No, I mean EXACTLY what they ask for."

"It's totally awesome." [giggle]

"Well, I think that's enough for today. I hope this meeting has helped remind you all to cherish the little things, and to really enjoy your jobs here. Now, next week: Airbrushing! See you then."



Thanks to Denise G., Gema B., Amanda N., Meagan B., & Anne L. for being, um, awesome.



Oh, and hey, here's something that really IS awesome: my friend Neil of 1,000 Awesome Things has a free copy of his new book, The Book of Even More Awesome, for five of you lucky readers!







For a chance to win, just leave a comment telling me one of your favorite awesome things. It can be anything: getting extra icing on your slice of cake, picking the fastest line at the supermarket, snagging the last one of that sale item you wanted - you name it. We'll announce the five winners both here - on this post - and on the CW Facebook page at 12 midnight, EST, so be sure to check back!

**************************

GIVEAWAY UPDATE! After randomly selecting five comments, we have our winners! Congrats to the following readers who shared a few of their favorite awesome things.

Sunshine Dayz at 10:17am, who understands how awesome it is to find a few extra hours of sleep before the alarm goes off. (We share this joy with you.)

qurlyloks at 12:34pm, who REALLY appreciates awesome caffeinated coffee.

Elizabeth C., at 1:54pm, who thinks it's "inconceivable" (and awesome) that her kitties unleash cuddly kryptonite! You wanted Neil's book? As you wish.

TCC at 3:06pm, who loves awesome unexpected treats (and turns it up to 11).

soarin_ca4 at 8:37pm, who shares a birthday with David Beckham (which happens to be today). I bet winning Neil's book just made your birthday even more AWESOME.

Congrats again to our winners! Please email us your mailing addresses. Thanks to everyone for the great comments. So much awesomeness!

The Yolk's On Us

I'll be posting my Passover greetings this Monday, but in the meantime, allow me to wish the rest of you a truly heartfelt...

And I mean that.

All together now! Who are we?

W-R-E-C-K-I-E-S!

And what are we celebrating?

E-D-S-T-E-R!!

It's kind of like Easter, only for people named Ed who have an aversion to script.

Of course, to many people Easter is the celebration of Christ's resurrection.

To others, it's the celebration of strung-out bunnies in search of their next omelet.

Sometimes this can lead to Easter being accused of over commercialization, and focusing too little on its religious roots. However, when it comes to cake, at least, I think I can speak for us all when I say...

(Photo removed at the request of the baker. Please enjoy this lovely photo of Epcot.)*

Let's just stick to wrecking the bunnies.

After all, the lamb cake is often said to represent either the Passover lamb or Christ himself. So with that in mind, look at this cake:

[shiver]

Now tell me: which is creepier? That, or...

...this?

Ok, we'll call it a draw.

In fact, both of those were so creepy I nearly pooped a pumpkin! But then I realized that wouldn't be season-appropriate. So instead, I...

...excreted an egg.

Thanks to Megan C., Kelley N., Lisa B., Byron K., Erin E., Kristy B., & Darla D. for cracking us up. Hard-boiled humor like this always goes over easy.

*The picture we removed was of a cross cake which was a bit wonky, had random decorations and was "decorated" (squirted) with white icing. Really quite lovely especially if you're a fan of king cakes.

The Easter Bizarre

I know we've been seeing some odd Easter treats this week, so today I thought we'd get back to basics.

After all, nothing beats a nice, time-honored, classic Easter...

...loaf of bread.

Yep, Easter is now infecting spreading its cheer throughout the entire bakery!

Just look at this happy character:

Cocaine Bunny sez:

"I'm your monkey fighting FANTASY! Just check the tag." [sniff]


Other bakeries are endorsing bunny-cide in more...creative ways:

Because the Alien chest-burster scene always makes me hungry.


Speaking of which, this one gives a whole new meaning to "Alien face hugger":

When it comes to spotting Wrecks, he's all ears.


Next we have the traditional Trojan Rabbit:

Just don't leave it unsupervised come nightfall.

Thanks to Christine C., Sue, Bliss B., Ali M., & Shannon C., who think two Monty Python references in two days is just wrong. After all, everyone knows THREE is the number thou shalt count.

Time to Chicken Out

You guys, Easter is this Sunday!

Quick!

Let's terrorize some children!

"Ohh nooo!"

Oh, YES, 'fraidy cat half-chicken! For far too long now, Easter has been the holiday of the cute and cuddly. Well, NO MORE.

"It's PAYBACK time, beechez."

"Bwahaha!"

"Yeah. Just you wait 'til I roll over there, kids. Just you wait.

"Right, Bugsy?"

"Ohh yes. Meet your hippity-hoppity nightmare, young whippersnappers!"


Or shall I introduce you to the Ghost of Easters Past?

Alright. This chick is toast!


Now, brave Wreckies, if ye do doubt your courage - or your strength! - come nae further!

For DEATH awaits you all...

...with nasty, big, pointy teeth!!


[blink blink]

Um....

Soooo...


Lamb chop, anyone?

Thanks to Shannon C., Heather, Summer B., Jekka G., Candice C., Danna F., Rachel P., & Jennifer D., who tell me that goes great with mint jelly filling.

Now: run awaaaay!!

Ghost Taunters

"Hello and welcome to Ghost Investigator Dudes. I'm Brad Johnson, a frat boy jock who isn't afraid of ANYTHING and enjoys taunting the afterlife by yelling challenges into empty cellars.

"With me are Joey..."

"Yo!"

"...and Mike."

"Yo!"

"Today we're here at the old Chattanooga asylum, where, like, a bunch of people died 'n stuff and we're totally gonna lock ourselves in all night and see what happens and film everything with shaky pocket infrared cameras and bad sound equipment.

"Awright, let's get started! So we're going down to the dungeons to...

"WHOA!!! Something touched me! Dude! Did you get that on camera?!?"

"No."

"Aw, dude."

(Geeet oooouuuut!!)

"Righteous. So, like, now we're going down into the kitchens where they kille..."

"WHOA!!! Did you see that?"

"No."

"There! In the corner! Were you filming?"

"Sorry, man, no - but I did feel a little cold just then."

"Duuude."

(No seeeeeriously. Geeeet oooouuuut!!!)

"Shyah. That was, like, almost totally spiritual. So, check it! The caretaker here says there's this dog? That's like a ghost? That haunts the library and kills people? So we should totally go there."

"Whoa!"

*beep* *beep* *beeeeeeeeeeeep*

"Did you *beeeep*'n see that?!?"

[camera swinging wildly, sound of scuffling feet]

*beeeeep*

"Dude, tell me you got that on tape!!"

"Sorry, bra. It was pointed at the floor."

"Whoa."

(I kill you!!)

"Ok, so, like, there's a wedding chapel in this asylum that's, like, totally haunted, right? And a bunch of people died there last week so, like, let's turn off all our lights and point our cameras at the floor."

[girlish shriek]

"DUDE! I saw something move!"

"Something walked by me!!"

"Someone's massaging my shoulders!!!"


(Well, hello there.)

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

Thanks to Emily L., Jessica L., Leslie H., Urvashi, & Tama, but we still don't know what happened to André.

When Irish Guys Are Dialing

Today, on behalf of Ireland, the Irish, and people who like Guinness, allow me to say:

Sam is gonna be thrilled, I just know it.

So will Pabrick.


And wait'll he hears about his promotion!

I'm not sure if I should salute or cross myself.



Now, there's a stereotype floating around that we Irish like to drink.

I don't know where this comes from.

And frankly, if I were able to see straight or type this without developing motion sickness, I'd be extremely offended. [hic]

Hey, look! A green golf bag! How appropriate!

[head tilt]

Wait, no. That's Scotland. Sorry. I always get Craig Ferguson and Colin Farrell mixed up.

There's also a common misconception that we Irish have nasty tempers. I don't know who started this rumor, but if I ever find out I WILL CUT OFF THEIR BANGERS AND MASH AND FEED THEM TO THE LOCH NESS MONSTER.

[blinking]

That's Scotland again, isn't it?

DANG IT!!

So, in conclusion, this is a terrible four-leaf clover:

That, or this Guinness is making me see triple.

Oh, and also: Be careful when doling out kissing commands today. There's a big difference between telling an attractive stranger, "Kiss me, I'm Irish" and telling just anyone Irish to kiss you:

Don't believe me? Well, consider this: all of these guys are Irish:

"Aye, yore a pritty one, ar'ntcha?"

"Heh aheh hehehe."

"Forget those lucky charms, lass, I've got yore pot o' gold right here!"


Yep, we Irish can be a bit creepy. It's part of our charm.



Rock on, Colin. Rock. On.

Thanks to Stacey T., Liz C., Jodee R., Cristina, Claire P., Emily C., Jen F., Rebecca M., Leslie C., Jenaro P., & Heather H., who are all honorary Irishmen today. So wear those red beards with pride, ladies.

We Wish You A...What Now?

I don't know why, but for some reason I'm just not sure what these bakers are trying to tell us...

Let's see. Santa is face down in a heap.

So...Merry Christmas?


Maybe it's better if we flip him over.

Nope.


And now, a seasonal tongue-twister:

Sam the snowman shot a sheet of snowy sleet!

Aaaand, repeat. (Three times fast, if you please.)


When it comes to wrecking cakes, this baker hits just above the belt:

Now, since there's obviously a space there for an inscription, I've been trying to come up with something appropriate.

Ho Ho...no.

And to all a good...no.

Jingle...no.

Er, yeah, I'll just have to get back to you.

Actually, this kinda works if you're Irish. Go on: say it out loud. In your best Colin Farrell voice. With a sexy wink. Oh yeeeeeah. This working for anyone else? Just me? Hey, I'm ok with that.

At least we can all agree that nothing conveys holiday cheer quite like an icing dog with Santa's head on his butt:

"Woof woof, b*tches."

And now, Rudolph of the red nose himself would like to wish you all the merriest of Christmases:

Rudolph?

RUDOLPH?!?

WHYEEE????

Uh, well, since Rudolph is...hung up... at the moment, let's just end with this:

Althoug I reall do'n se wha th proble i.

Thanks to A. L., Brannon M., Rob R., Mouse, Suzie T., Katelyn C., Kelly, & Kristin. May you all marry Christmas. Or have a Mary Christmas. Or, um, GOOD DAY.

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CCC Day #12

Free Wheelchair Mission is an international nonprofit dedicated to providing wheelchairs for the impoverished disabled in developing nations. It takes less than $60 to provide someone in need with a means of mobility.

Click here to donate your dollar.

(And thanks for sticking through our twelve days of giving, guys! You rock!)