You Gotta Admit: That's Way Better than "Good"

Besides, it's easier to spell than "Captain Kirk Luck".

Candace S., you're not wearing the red shirt, are you?

Willy & Wally, the Cake Wreckers

"Say Wally, what did you do to this cake? The airbrushing looks horrible!"

"Really? Rats. Sorry, Willy. I was going for a 'spacey' look."

"'Spacey'? Two big red asterisks on a blue background?"

"Uh, they're supposed to be stars. You know, for Star Wars? See, the mom brought in this Darth Vader plate for reference."

[looking from plate to cake] "Well, we can't give them this - it looks more like a Spider Man or Superman cake."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. So what should I do? The airbrushing seeped into most of the icing, so I can't scrape it off."

"Hmmmm. Lemme see that plate again...and fetch me the scissors, will ya?"



"Oooh, that's MUCH better. Thanks, Willy."

"No problem, Wally. You see, with a little ingenuity, you really can save almost anything."

"You think they'll be Ok with the candles?"

"Of course! They add up to 13, right?"

"Well, yeeesss..."

"Then quit whining! Unless YOU want to go buy more '3's."


Monique R., clearly you already know the powers of the Wrecky side. Good work.

When Common Sense Isn't

You're right, Benoit; I'm guessing they didn't get that tip, either.

Nice to see that they understood that there was something important about the 12 bit, though. Do you suppose the wreckerator was putting that extra layer of icing on and wondering what the big deal was about the number 12, anyway?



Thank goodness that all fit, Diane V.; I don't know WHAT the decorator could have done to shorten the inscription. Do you?


(And fyi: Freymoto is a clever smash-up of the happy couple's last names. Nifty idea, no?)

Kids These Days

"They just grow up so fast." [wiping away tear]

"I mean, first Holly was asking for thongs for her 8th birthday, and now her very own Playboy-themed party at 12. Wow. Can you believe it? I'm just so...so... proud.

[blowing nose] "I mean, every parent wants her little girl to grow up dreaming big dreams, padding her trainer bra, and looking to attract men as a means of personal validation, but to see it actually happening...[sniffle] I'm sorry, it's just a dream come true. Why, in another 6 years she could even be on The Girls Next Door - not that I want to get her hopes up too much, of course; there's no telling how much longer Heff's gonna be around, after all.

"I know, right? It IS unbelievable. You know, the Smiths over there made their Jenny wait until she was sixteen to have her playmate party. Isn't that awful?


"I mean, geez, how stifling can some parents get? Although, to be fair, I hear they had a great pole-dancing instructor come in for the girls. In fact, I need to get that number for Holly's party, if you'll excuse me..."

Now, Karen P. & Sarah G., remember to keep everything in perspective: these cakes still aren't as bad as this one.

UPDATE: Apparently the prosti-tot pole-dancing class includes an age-inappropriate audience. Check it out, and don't miss all the priceless expressions on the kids in the crowd!

Guess Who!

ATTENTION CELEBRITY SINGERS: never hire a cake decorator to paint your portrait.

And for the rest of you: can you guess who's who on these cakes? I already gave you a hint. (Answers at bottom.)



Say, do you suppose this Wreckerator realized that "B'day" sounds exactly like "bidet"? That just seems like a bad play, eh? (Hey, these rhymes are unintentional, Ok?)




Did you guess them all? No cheating, now!

Ok, here are your answers:

First:

Tori looks through the looking glass.
Or, you know, the make-you-ugly fun-house glass.

Second:

Ohhh - the album is named "B'day". My bad. Or, M'bad.

And last but not least:

Yikes. I guess she does kind of have crazy eyes - I never noticed before. Huh.

Right, now go grab all your co-workers and see how they do. Chop chop!


Rachael G., Sarah W., & Anony M., don't stop the rock.

"Hey everybody, thish cake ish from Holland. Ishn't that veird?"

Brace yourself, my friends, for what you're about to see may haunt your dreams for the rest of your natural lives, and will most certainly turn you off of acrylic nails.


Ready?


Here it comes...


Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the baby shower, they went and added...

The DREADED MANICURED ALIEN HAND OF DOOM!!!

[drawn-out scream]

Ok, what's worse: the bone-white skin pallor, popped-out belly button that looks like the tied-off end of a balloon, or the fact that Thing-ette there seems to be sucking the life-force out of Octo-Mom Wraith-style?

Now, I have pudgy little Hobbit hands, so my basis of reference is off: tell me, is that hand as disproportionally gargantuan as I think it is?

Kevin V., you musht be toight like a toyger*. Schmoke and a pancake?

*Ok, so the pop-culture references got a little out of hand** in this post. Sorry.

**Get it? Out of hand? Booyah!

Phonics Has Failed Us

No, it wasn't intentional. And Brian, I hope Bethany gets a kick out of seeing her cake here. :)

Passive Aggressive Cakes

Everybody loves getting a cake, right?

Well, unless it's one of these.

Hah! Wait, you are joking, right? Uh, yeah, I think maybe I'll pass - thanks, though. Really.

Source

No, seriously; now you just seem too eager. Keep your stinkin' cake, alright?

Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. Back off, Chucky-boy!

No!

Well, I should think so! You're supposed to be sweet little confections, not all threatening and...


...eek! Uh, no problem, mister Cake, sir - not a word from me, nuh-uh!


Kelly, Moxie, Michele H., Ashley C., and Nikki P., I've been trying to cut down on sugar lately, and I think it's getting to me. If you'll excuse me, I'm just going to go lay down for a spell...

THIS is How You Show Hungry Who's Boss

Both Wreckporter Colee R. and I instantly recognized this "Go Team" Wreck:



It's Hungry from those Weight Watcher's commercials! You know, this guy?


Now, Weight Watcher's wants you to banish Hungry (who I must say is the most adorable junk-food-pusher since my hubby John) by joining some program of theirs. However, the decorator of the above CCC and I have an even better idea: eat cupcakes.

See, eating cupcakes is ALSO an effective way to banish Hungry. Right? Seriously, you can't argue with this kind of logic.

And in case this is the first you've seen of the adorable orange monster, here's one of his commercials airing approximately every 20 minutes 'round these parts:



Colee, is it wrong that this makes me hungry?

Come On Barbie, Let's Go Party

It all started with those kitschy toilet-paper cover dolls:

I think every grandmother was required by law to make enough of these things for her family to cover a mountain of TP. (My personal favorite was our red-dressed flamenco dancer. You?) After this was done, those dear crafty souls had to come up with new ways to use their stockpile of doll torsos.

Enter: the doll cake!

It was understandable when at first children assumed they were being served yarn and TP. Here Jenn L. is saying, "How about you put that over there and go fetch me my real cake, before someone throws a hissy, Ok?"

Fast forward 30 years or so, and doll cakes have come a long way. Why, just look at all the diverse styles they come in now!

The "Hawaiian Shaving Brush":


The "Easy-Chair-Under-Her-Dress":

("My lap! My lap! My lap is on FI-YUR!")

The "I'm-a-Little-Teapot":


The "Girls-Shouldn't-Have-ALL-the-Fun":



And the ever popular "Climb Every Mountain":


Cherie, Andrea M., Sanne, & Cattie P., all together now: "Life in plastic - it's fantastic!"

For Me?

Just had to share one last Valentine Wreck - because it was for ME! Well, in a virtual sense.

Sensitive Wreck Seeker Kate W. sent me an e-mail with the following message:

"I just wanted you to know that my heart boats for you. And not even the loud and obnoxious kind that overturns old men while they're fishing, but rather the put-put-put kind that's hard to steer. How's that for romance?"

Uh, a little more confusing than romantic, honestly, Kate.

Oh, wait! There's a photo:

Source

Ahh, NOW I get it. And I'm touched, Kate, I really am. But not in the creepy, time-to-press-charges kind of way, but in the innocent, I-like-anyone-who-sends-me-cake kind of way.

Note: yes, technically that *is* an 'e', but at first glance it looks like an 'o', so I'm going with it. You should, too.

The End of Sweetness

Ok, last Vday post. Honest.

(Until the next one, that is. Heheheh.)


Not that I can be certain these were really meant for Valentine's, of course. I mean, it's not like they give us many clues...


I would ask for guesses, but my heart's just not in it. Besides, even though geography was never my strong point, even I can see it's obviously the state of Texas. Right, Cori W.?

The gril lives!

Good to know, Shauna L.

Wow. It never ceases to amaze me: the amount of time, effort, and talent poured in to these CCCs. Don't you agree, Ann S.?

Well, I have a guess as to what this is supposed to be, Sherin G., but I'm not going to spoil the fun for everyone else. Go on now, guys: what is it?

[humming Jeopardy theme]

And while we're guessing, any ideas on this one from Marisa W.?

"I tell ya, 'E' gets all the love. She's all, 'Look at me, I'm the most commonly used vowel! Ooh, la-ti-da!' Yeah. Insufferable little show-off."

Then Kay found these, which are actually wrong... for being spelled right. There's a first!

See, they have a bee (sort of; that's one scary specimen), so they could have written "Bee Mine". But did they? No, of course not. I bet there's a cake out there somewhere with a sheep on it and the inscription "I love you", too. [shaking head] C'mon, decorators: get with the punny program!

Oh, and in case you forgot what we were celebrating:


Say, this could lead to a whole new holiday icon! I'm picturing Cupid, only stitched together from spare parts. Alyssa & Clark, do you concur?

It's a Form of Flattery. Honest.

Happy Presidents' Day, y'all! To help you get in the President-celebrating mood, I rounded up every presidential cake-specimen I could find. Consequently, this will be a pretty short post.


First, since Lincoln's birthday is part of the celebration, we've got to start with this lovely example sent in by Michael N.:

Love the Lincoln Memorial on top.

Then there's this rather less lovely Reagan cake:

That nose is going to haunt my dreams, I just know it.

(Note: This one's been floating around the interwebs for a while, so my apologies if it's not actually a pro job. In my defense, most of the pro cakes I see look a lot worse than this.)

Now remember, Grace D.: if someone makes a cake bust in your likeness, it's a compliment...

...Not that they want to knife you in the head.

I already featured a bunch of Obama cakes after the election, but be sure to check out the giant 5,900 cupcake mosaic of him and Lincoln from Friday's post, too.

And lastly, naturally this post wouldn't be complete without a George Washington cake.

Erm..... [frantically searching the 'net]


Ah, how 'bout this?


Ok, so it's perfectly centered, spelled correctly, and otherwise rather wreckless - sorry. Oh! But look! The balloons on the bottom are upside down! Eh? Eh? That counts, right?

Hey, I spent at least 15 whole minutes searching for a better Washington cake, alright? This is the best I got. Honestly, you'd think bakers out there would see today as an opportunity to get in touch with their creative, powdered-wig-wearing side. But no-ooo. Hmph. Downright inconsiderate, is what that is.

All that to say: if you have something better, send it soon and maybe I'll post it.

And stay tuned for more Valentine's Wrecks.

UPDATE: Well, you guys certainly are sending in some...interesting...Washington items. So far I've gotten a pie made in George, Washington, a hilarious but not post-able Washington Monument cake (no, you can't see it; it's not professionally made), what I suspect is more of a Georgette Washington cake spotted at the fair, and my current favorite:

George Washington Carver.

Sure, M.Zak, that's close enough.

Ace of Cakes Gets Lost!

Sunday Sweets are my weekly NON-Wreck features, the better to show how wrecky the Wrecks really are.

I frequently get asked if I've heard of or watch Ace of Cakes. Heh. Guys, I write a cake blog. If it's even remotely cake-related, I've probably heard of it. Safe cupcake amendment in Texas? Check. Cake puppet singing Karen Carpenter? Check. Ace of Cakes? Checkity check. And yes, I do love Duff and the gang. In fact, one of the few reasons I'm happy to have cable again (we went without for a few years) is that I can start catching up on all the episodes I've missed.

Anyway, I've been waiting for just the right Charm City creation to feature here on Sunday Sweets, and I think I've finally found it. Not only is it a cool cake, it also brings together two addictive shows: Ace of Cakes and LOST.

Check out what Duff & Co. created to help the cast of LOST celebrate their 100th episode:



Neat, huh? There's the computer terminal (probably with the famous numbers on it, but I can't quite tell), a suitcase, a gun, the whole cast, and of course my favorite: a four-pack of Dharma beer.

Hey, there's even a little crashed plane on the side! Nice. But, uh, guys? Shouldn't the plane be snapped in two, with the tail section on the other side of the island? Hmmm? ;)

Here's a nice detail shot:

And the big group shot with both casts:


All of these photos are from Jorge Garcia's blog, by the way. Be sure to check there for a few more photos not posted here, and many thanks to Rachel K. for being the first to tell me about it!

Valentine's "Winners"

Hey, it's Valentine's Day!! May the sugar-coated cuteness and commercially-driven materialistic declarations of affection begin!

Just don't get your cutie-patootie any of these:


Sure, it looks like an internal organ: just not the right one.


These could lead to a lot of fun "what's that supposed to mean?" conversations:

Uh, your love kills me?

You make my heart unravel?

And this one is a bit desperate for my taste:

Here's a great one to give your SO in mixed company:

I don't know about you guys, but when I refer to myself in the third person in conversations with John (which is especially fun at parties), I usually prefer the designations "baby" and "your lover".

"Baby, your lover would like you to take the trash out."
"Baby, your lover is going to the store."
"Baby, your lover gets the not-so-subtle hint from your Valentine's present..."


"...but your lover has a headache." (cue "Broken Arrow" by Rod Stewart)

Now, these cake/cookie things may suffer from the whole bum-crack affliction:


...but they still look way more appetizing than these:

Hey, it's the ABC gum cake!

(For those of you who don't remember kindergarten, ABC = "Already Been Chewed".)

Gabrielle H., Maya C., Anne M., Kandace H., Michael H., & Ben O., John's lover thanks you.