Because Patience and Kindness are Overrated

I didn't think it'd been that long since my wedding reception, but apparently I'm already behind the times. Used to be, folks just clinked their glasses any time they wanted the happy couple to kiss.

Now I see bakers are taking it a step further:

And then some.

Don't see it? Here, let me zoom in:

Now, cue the music, DJ! It's time for the groom to DANCE.

Thanks to Heather C. for finally finding a wedding wreck to rival "faith, hope, thrust."

Love Hurts

As misunderstandings go, I'm not sure you can do much worse mangling the phrase "Getting hitched!" for an engagement party than this:

Oooh. Not good.

In the same vein, how's this for a bang-up job?

Not a word, Troy. NOT. A. WORD.

Thanks to Wreckporters Amy R. and Jenn G. for these knee-slappers.

Unce, Tice, Fee Tine's a...

...uh...


WHAT?!?

Can I quote you on that?

Thanks to Becky's daughter Amy C. for the, uh, recommendation. I'm sure we'll all keep it in mind the next time we're "wookin' pa nub."

Say What?

If the kids ask, April just got a new bottle of shampoo.

*flap flap flap*

Take note, everyone: "Yoth!" is the new 40.

Be sure to adjust your birthday cards accordingly.

Whoah. Not only did they screw up the "screwed up" inscription, it's a cupcake cake. [patooey!] Now, CCC defenders, I want you to look at all that icing smeared under and around the individual cupcakes, and then I want you to find a real cake, and I want you to apologize to it. Do it! Do it now!!

Ahem.

Hey, you know how some people's "i"s look like "7"s, and their "g"s look like "6"s?

No?

Well, now you do.

A big thanks to Wreckporters J7ll W., Paulette M., Dan7elle S., Barbara M., & Ashle76h.

You Talkin' To Me?

Remember, bakers: It's never polite to ask a lady her age.

Writing it out on her birthday cake is perfectly ok, though.

(Also be sure to emphasize the "Old Woman" part; seniors LOVE that.)

Oh what a difference a missing "t" can make:

And you thought that high school nickname would never catch up to you.

Don't worry, Julie; I'm sure the baker just had a "wisp!"

I've been short for as long as I can remember, so I can say with some authority that this is why you should always order the *regular size* birthday cake:

Also, according to a t-shirt I saw once we're not "mini," we're "fun-size." So there.

When celebrating a lucky couple's recent engagement, it helps to say something complimentary:

And also to remember that "monkey" and "lucky" sound exactly the same in Wreckerator.

According to a recent survey,* "Pop-Pop" is the number one nickname for adorable grandfathers. (Awww.)

Guess what number two is?

Thanks to Cindy J., Erica L. & Erin P., Julie W., Gary L., Joann B., & Koby, who are talking to me, and actually do find me amusing. So that's seven.


* Which I just made up.

Bless His Heart

After seeing the first communion cake his Sunday School ordered for him, Seth's mom suspected a parent-teacher conference might be in the works.

Jaz I, I know sometimes you just really want sprinkles, but this is getting ridiculous.

A Disaster of Biblical Proportions

And I thought dogs and cats living together was bad. Man.


Monika D., I think we're gonna need a bigger umbrella. Oh, and "Tanks."

NOTE: I'm trying something new: multiple postings a day! So if the morning post seems short, like this one, that's your cue that more Wreckage will be published later that day. We'll still have our longer marathon-style posts, of course; I just figured I'd try shaking things up a bit. Hope you like it. (And if you don't like it, hope you don't comment all troll-like.)