Wrong Bumblebee

"Hi there! I'd like to order a Transformers cake. I really like this one...


"...but do you think you could put Bumblebee on it instead of Optimus Prime? You can? Great! Thanks."


[Later...]





Mary S., maybe the Wreckerator was going for the world's best Decepticon. Eh?

Naaahh.

- Related Wreckage: Going Down in Flames

Sunday Sweets: Fun Wedding Cakes

Let's face it, weddings can be a little, well, predictable. That why we love it when a couple breaks out of the mold and, say, boogies down the aisle. Same thing with the cake: sure, white-on-white is pretty, but it's also kind of boring. How about a little personality? A little fun? A little pair of adorable bride-and-groom ghost toppers?

Yes! Like that!
(Found by JT and made by Sugar)

You've probably seen this one, for a pair of Katamari fans:

(Found by Christina H. and made by Mike's Amazing Cakes)

And for movie buffs, here's an ode to Event Horizon:

(Sent in by Lydia B-R and made by Peachtree and Ward.)

Now, you're probably wondering if it's possible to have a themed cake that's also elegant. I think so. I mean, check this one out:

(Found everywhere. Anyone know who made it?)

Is that not gorgeously geek chic?

Or how about this one?

(Submitted by Amy K and made by Michelle's Cake Scapes.)

That's King Kong scaling a skyscraper on top, and yet I think the baker managed a gorgeous, almost art deco feel to the cake. Sophisticated without being too stodgy, you know?

And lastly, my absolute favorite:

(Submitted by Angie Z and made by CakeFX)

Hilarious and sweet all at the same time. Sure, the topper is the first thing you notice, but check out how the baker "stitched" three different cake styles together. [kissing fingertips] Fantastico!

Ok, You Win. I'll Post the Divorce Cakes.

I can't dislike viral photo e-mails too much - after all, one of them inspired this blog - but since there are now several divorce-cake e-mails flying through the interwebs, I'm pretty sure the only way I can get you lovely loyal Wreckporters to STOP SENDING THEM is by posting some. So...

"ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?"

Whoah. Sorry. The bitter vibes must be getting to me. Let's see if I can find something a little sweeter...

Ah, much better. Look how cute! Who knew blood spatters could be that adorable?

(And if you're wondering if the groom ever pushes the bride off, then the answer is yes.)

And by the way, while today's cakes are funny, they're also extremely well-made. I know this. So there's no need to point it out in the comments, Ok? We're laughing with these bakers, not at them.

In fact, Elite Cake Creations even specializes in divorce cakes. They get pretty creative with their designs, too:

Visualized metaphors. Gotta love 'em.

Yes, you really can buy miniature coffins for your wedding ring.

Of course, a good divorce cake doesn't have to be super elaborate:

I think that gets the point across, don't you?

While some divorce cakes can be more biting than funny, this one never fails to make me smile:

I think it's those little feet sticking out, Wicked Witch style. Heh. Plus, I was delighted to learn this was made by a bakery right in central Florida. Kudos, Sprinkles Custom Cakes!

Let's end with what I'm sure was a gag cake, but is still good for a chuckle:

Note to guys: don't get any ideas. We only think it's funny if someone ELSE gets it.

And lastly, I think this is a perfect time to wish my fantabulous hubby, John, a happy 11th wedding anniversary. (Yes, really.) I love you, Sweetie! Here's to growing old and increasingly alarming to our friends together.


Thanks to the many billions of you who sent in the various Divorce Cake e-mails. Over. And over. And over again.

- Related Wreckage: The Anti-Wedding Cake (aka The First Divorce Cake?)

Blog & Tour Update

Hi Guys!

Sorry to interrupt the flow of Wreckage, but I figured it was high time to update you on the coming book tour and also some of what's going on here with the blog.

First, the blog: Over the next month or so you'll see a few more guest posts from both John and my "Wrecksistant" Anne-Marie , since I'm up to my elbows in book promotion and tour stuff. (Yes, really. I promise I'm not just vegging on the couch playing dot Hack. As far as you know, anyway.) Still, I haven't missed a day's posting here in nearly a year, and I have no intention of breaking that record! So y'all be nice to my guest posters, hear? And if you're ever curious as to who wrote what, just look at the footer bar of each post.

The biggest and best news, though, is that Cake Wrecks is getting a makeover. Yes! We're finally getting a professionally designed look! I've grown rather attached to this Minima Blue, though, so that will still feature in the background. The new design will streamline our sidebars (we're even cutting ads - woot!), widen the posting area slightly, and look a whole lot nicer. Look for that to debut sometime in the next three weeks.


Next, book tour stuff:

First, let me tell ya: this tour is going to be *awesome*. We have some of the best bakers and bakeries signed up to provide amazing cakes at each stop, and so far between two and four hundred of you have RSVP'd for each location already. These are going to be some cuh-razy parties! You'll have lots of opportunity to meet and mingle with your fellow Wreckies, hang with me and John, ask us questions, show off your cupcakes, stuff your faces... you get the idea.

(Oh, and re: the cupcake contest: be sure to bring your cupcake on a small paper plate with your name written on it, k? Thaaanks.)

Also, good news for those of you in the San Francisco area: since we had an extra day there anyway, and since so many of you pointed out that our existing stop in Petaluma is a bit of a trek from the bay, we've added another stop in the city itself. To help us plan who will be attending which event, though, we've had to delete the old Petaluma RSVP page and put up two new ones. So, if you're planning to attend either (or both!), please RSVP again here: for San Francisco click here, and for Petaluma click here.

I wish I had similar good news for those of you in Atlanta and Boston, but I think Andrews McMeel is trying to NOT kill me on this, my very first book tour. We now have 12 stops in 16 days, and as someone who dislikes travel and public scrutiny, I can tell you that I may be thoroughly zombified by the end of it. (John and I will be in Atlanta for Dragon*Con next weekend, though, so stay tuned to my Twitter if you want to hunt us down and say hello!)

Also coming up is a "virtual" book tour, during which I will be "visiting" five of my favorite blogs and/or websites. I'll be introducing each of them to you a little closer to the "virtual tour," which will coincide with the "real" tour, and will hopefully introduce you to some neat new sites and "people." Heh. (Excessive quotation marks ftw!)

Well, I think that's it! Thank you so much, my loyal Wrecktators, for making all of these great things possible. I'm pretty overwhelmed right now, but your amazing e-mails, comments, and continued readership have made all the craziness and stress worthwhile. John and I can't wait to meet so many of you on the tour!

- Jen

As You Wish

"Okey dokey, let's just double check that order form."

Flavor: Chocolate

"Check!"

Decoration: Chocolate dipped strawberry, ganache swirl and chocolate shavings over buttercream.

"Check, check, and check!"

Inscription: Leave blank

"Check!"

Thanks to Ross E., the bakery manager who managed to catch this before the customer arrived. Great work, Ross!

- Related Wreckage: OR...

Butterfly Misses

[singing] "There's two things I know for sure:

"These Wrecks number seven..." (okay, six)

"And they'll make you want to hurl!"

Sorry for inflicting you with that song. Heh. Ok, now let's see how else bakeries destroy the seemingly simple butterfly, shall we?

First, every Wreckerator knows you have to make butterflies out of cupcakes. Otherwise, you run the risk of them looking like...well, butterflies.

And we can't have that, now, can we?

But malformed, lumpy wings just aren't enough. Sometimes a wacky mustache is needed:

"Oui oui, I believe I have, how you say, wee wee'd mehself! Hon hon hon!"

Or maybe a turd-errific, camo-riddled model:

Uh, guys? Exactly which demographic are you going for here? I mean, I don't think little boys are wild about butterflies, and little girls don't usually like camo OR poop.

Luckily, though, some butterflies still get a happy ending.

Charlotte F., Raven, Rachael, Rebecca R., Jessica A., & Bijan P., stop looking at me like that; I was merely referring to his smiley face. Really.

- Related Wreckage: It's a Wreck Off!

9 Out of 10 Child Psychologists Agree:

These cakes will keep them in business for a loooong time.

"Come closer, children. We only want to wish you a happy birthday. Hehehehe. Thaaat's right, just a littttle closer...."

[insane giggling]

"What? Haven't you ever seen a partially melted M&M before? I may only have a hand stump, but I can still clean your clock, buster. Just ask the last guy."

"Mmmphm eeeph mmife!"

Lisa F., Teresa F., Michelle T., & Nana T., these cakes could be a powerful parenting tool. "Behave, kids, or I'll take you to the bakery again!"

- Related Wreckage: Nah, These Won't Traumatize the Kids at ALL

Truth in Advertising

Bakers, in today's lagging economy the race to earn customers' hard-earned dollars is on. So how can you stay ahead of your competition? With tasteful, quality display-cakes, that's how.

Yep, you want displays that draw people in. Displays that show off your skills. Displays that say, "Hey, we're a modern, 'with-it' bakery that knows just how to relate to today's generation."

"You see, kids, there once was a time when phones had cords on them."

You also want cakes that show you take your job seriously:

And that your figure modeling is second-to-none:

"GREETINGS, HUMANS. WE ARE TWO UNIQUE FEMALES WHO ENJOY SITTING IN CASUAL MANNERS. TAKE US HOME OR WE WILL STUN YOU WITH OUR LASER EYES. JUST KIDDING. HA. HA. HA."

But also some that show you aren't lacking in the crazy department:

"Proud to be the only bakery that offers large chocolate grenades in our 'Peeps VS Bobble-Heads Soccer Match in the Desert of Doom' design - now with random Rugrats!"

Jasmine D., Erin F., Lisa M., Sarah N., & Maren J., can you spot the grenade?


- Related Wreckage: Wrecks on Display

Forget the Ballgame. Just Take Me Out.

Breaking news update: The Red Sox have clinched the AL Wild Card lead. Boy, this stuff changes fast!

As of today, the Red Sox and the Rangers are tied for the AL Wild Card lead. ("Uh-huh, and...?") St. Louis catcher Jason LaRue got a hit off of Billingsley in the ninth inning, and pinch-hitter Joe Thurston doubled down the right field line to set up the top of the Cardinals' lineup. (Y'all following this?)

Then the Mets did something, the Cubs did something, and I began to zone out, wishing I had some Twizzlers and thinking how dumb it is that LOST has such a long hiatus.

But I'm aware that many folks are rabid baseball fans, so today's post is for you! (See? I do care.)

I've often thought the game could use a little girling up. I mean, why don't they use giant roses for bases? Or incorporate a little pink and robin's egg blue? Next time you're at a game, be sure to ask.

Also be sure to suggest - loudly and to anyone in earshot - that the whole diamond setup is stupid. Wonky ovals are way better.

Now flag down the sweaty guy with the tray o' beers, fork over your seven dollars for another one, and check out the pop fly ball that's heading straight for your head. In your inebriated state, it might look something like this:

Fortunately, though, anyone who's recently suffered a stunning blow to the head qualifies as an honorary Wreckerator! So quick, before your senses return, decorate a cake!

Excellent. I particularly like the random "w" - or is that a sideways 3?

Ashley P., Dawn B., Dan M. and Lori R., "your out!"

- Related Wreckage: Why We Need More Male Cake Decorators

(Dr.) Horrible Sunday Sweets

If you haven't watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog - or even know what it is yet - then this post is for you.

And if you *have* seen and love Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, then this post is really for you.

I was late in discovering Joss Whedon's internet gem, but within 5 minutes I was in love, and have been looking for an excuse to feature it here ever since. Fortunately, Pfoinkle of Hurry Up Cakes has provided me with several truly excellent excuses:

But I'm getting ahead of myself. First and foremost, you should know that Dr. Horrible is an award-winning musical film made exclusively for the Internet. It has a super catchy soundtrack, hilarious super-villain spoofs, and an unexpectedly sweet story. You can watch it for free online in three 14-minute segments, too. In fact... [furious clicking in the background] ...here, watch the first few minutes of this and just try not to get hooked:



[NOTE: Sorry, guys; I just learned that the above vid is only viewable here in the U.S. So if you're not in the U.S., you can either schedule a trip or buy the DVD on Amazon. (Go here to watch the trailer.)]

Ok, enough intro. Back to the cake!

First up is the geekalicious goggle cake:

Below Dr. Horrible's signature goggles are the label and some schematics for his death ray. Turn the cake around, though, and you'll see...

...the Thoroughbred of Sin himself, Bad Horse!

Next we have Captain Hammer's cake:

Penny's frozen yogurt cake:

"What a crazy random happenstance!"

And lastly, a few mini cakes to represent Hammer's groupies and Bad Horse's chorus:

Plus, if you want to make one of these cakes yourself, Pfoinkle (Her real name? Discuss.) has provided extensive photo tutorials on her site here. Thanks, Pfoink!


Thanks to April P., who I think was the first to submit this.


- Similar Sweets: Candy!!

TTFN

It turns out that last week was World Breastfeeding Week (motto: "There's a sucker born every minute.") In honor of the occasion, here's what was served at a hospital-sponsored picnic for moms and their babies:

If you're wondering what a life preserver has to do with breastfeeding, then rest assured that so are the rest of us. Personally I like to think that the Wreckerator was in the process of drawing one huge bazooga when s/he was stopped by some killjoy middle manager.

Also note that breastfed babies are "reading for anything." Naturally, I think you'll agree with me when I say this theory simply must be tested. So, the next time you see a mom breastfeeding, try to see if her kid is also reading. (You know, like this.) Then, once you've recovered from the police tasing and posted bail, be sure to report your findings back to us, k?


Anony M., I'll let you explain today's title. ;)

- Related Wreckage: Every Breath You Take

Two Words, Bakeries:

Drug screening.

Seriously. You guys might want to look into it.


You also want to make sure the DTs are over.


"Triangle Man, Triangle Man,
Doing the things a triangle can..."

And just FYI, managers: Drawing a tuxedo-clad "Triangle Man" with webbed feet is not compelling evidence of sobriety. So you probably shouldn't pick that guy to do the window display:

On the other hand, if you ever have an occasion that calls for a clown to run over another clown who's broken in half while stabbing at a third clown - who's drowning - and all three to be surrounded by bucks, bucking broncos, and mysterious brown swirls in the sky... well, then, you should probably seek professional help.

Courtney C., Jen C., Kirsten K., & Samantha R., I get by with a little help from my friends.


- Related Wreckage: Back to Basics

Put The Coffee DOWN

It's not often that a baker submits on of his/her own creations for us to pick on. But Maayan, who both bakes and documents funny food horrors, did just that.

The following diet-assisting monstrosity was actually ordered by a customer. And what is it?



Go ahead, guess. I'll wait...

Spaghetti with tomato-y cream sauce?

An ear?

A cherry, Cheez-Whiz and regurgitation torte?

Nope, nope and nope! Give up?

It's a fetus-with-an-iPod pie!

Uh, I guess fetus cookies would have been going too far?


Thanks to Maayan Z. for being such a great sport!

- Related Wreckage: Fetal Bites

A Day in the Life of a Wreckerator, Pt 2

TO DO:

6. Practice flowers


7. Pitch that idea to store manager

"So, we take the leftover brownies, lots of icing, [demonstrating]...mush them together...and voila! Brownie Ball!"

8. Dust the displays

"Meh, I'll get it next month."

9. Print new store signs

[evil snicker]

10. Determine once and for all how much dye it takes to induce diarrhea

(FOLLOW UP: Send "get well" card to Steve.)

Cassandra, Amanda, Chloe, Matt K., & Steve S., "thanks".


- Related Wreckage: Proper Penmanship