A Cake Wrecks Salute

Today we salute you, Mr. or Mrs. Patriotic Cake Wreckerator.

[singing] "Mr. or Mrs. Patriotic Cake WreckoRAAATor!"

Yes, in a sea of national complacency, you are the one shining beacon of truth, justice, and proper icing depictions of the American flag:

"Hey, Betsy Ross would be pro-oud!"

And when it comes to the star placement on those flags. you don't let petty things like "perspective" or "scale" get in your way:

"Ooooh, I think you need a few mo-ore!"

Yes, no other cake decorator loves this country quite the way you do, or has our sacred borders drawn on their hearts in quite the same way:

"At least you got Florida!"

So here's to you, Faithful Fan of the Frosted Flag. Because without you, tinsel and airbrushing and cliched eagle photos would never end up on Cake Wrecks, where we all know they belong:

"Mr. or Mrs. Patriotic Cake Wreckeraaaaa-tor!"

Thanks to Wreckporters Danae H., Kate B., Scott W., & Emily J., who are clearly more patriotic than you are.

- Related Wreckage: Somewhere in Kabul, there is an Italian bakery

Tassel Hassles

Hey, look! Amber went back to school!

Looks like her folks are still using the same bakery, though. (Piles of dead leaves are such a "hassel", aren't they?)

This next Wreck sees Amber's "hassel", and raises it a "taffle":

If only it had been in quotes - "taffle" would leave so much more romper-room for the imagination, don't you think?

Speaking of lots of room, Courtney M. asked the bakery for a Star Wars graduation cake, and this is what she got:

Well, Courtney, there is a lot of space...in space. So, you know, it could be a metaphor.

Where some Wreckerators call it a day after a lime-headed Yoda and a plastic grad cap, though, others keep going, and going, and...

...going.

'Scuse me, Mr. or Ms. Wreckerator, but I think you missed a spot. Could you cram a few more "09"s on the top? Oh, and while I have you here, a few questions:

1) What are you congratulating math for?
2) Does that inscription really say "this book is for smart people only please donoot atemple to open if you are not smart"?

It does? Ok, then my next question is...

3) For the love of crossed-out-but-not-corrected spelling errors, why? I mean, wouldn't only the really dumb people try to open a cake that only resembles a book in that it is somewhat flat and rectangular? Or am I over thinking this? (Don't answer that, Wreckies; I'm talking to the decorator here.)


Jess K's mom ordered a graduation cake for her brother. To keep it simple, she asked for the cake to read "Woo-hoo Tommy!" Instead, she got:


Unintentionally appropriate with a side of sneering sarcasm. I like it.


Sabrina S., Jess G., & Maureen, you each get a gold star beside your name on my monitor. (Granted, this may make typing a little more diggifult, but fortunetly I learned to typr by touch.)

Sunday Sweets: Bullseyes

I was trying to figure out what the opposite of "Missed Marks" would be; ergo, "Bullseyes". Yep, today's amazing NON-Wrecks are the cakes that look just like the object they're supposed to.

For example...

Liz had Mike's Amazing Cakes replicate a favorite stuffed frog for her and her guy Nat's joint birthday celebration:

I think the result is pretty adorable, don't you?

Ro Bruhn is an artist who makes colorful (and quite pretty) journals, like this one:


So for her birthday, her family surprised her with a cake version of that same journal:


Honestly, I kept getting the two photos mixed up, the cake is such a close match. Those buttons are fantastic. So are the ribbons. And the cover. Ok, fine, the whole thing's pretty darn cool. Ro says a local company did the cake, but she didn't say which one. So if you're reading this, Ro, let me know who to credit, k? (And thanks to Pauline L. for nominating the cake.)

And lastly, Andrew S. is the creator of the webcomic Elderly Apple, which is named for his character Pliny, the (you guessed it) Elderly Apple. As a fan of Cake Wrecks, he was inspired to order a cake version of Pliny for the site's birthday. This is Pliny:



Not the easiest thing to make a cake from, right? But look what Virginia Bakery came up with:

Isn't he great? Plus, he's our fondant-free sweet of the week. That's right - NO fondant. So in addition to pulling off a sculpted cake from a simple drawing, these bakers also got the icing glass smooth. For us amateur bakers, I think it's both inspiring and somewhat disheartening to know icing can actually look that good.

Have you had something replicated in cake form you'd like to nominate as a Sweet? Then send it to me at Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

Too Soon?

Michael Jackson died Thursday afternoon. Barely 24 hours later, Laura H. found these in her local bakery:


Yeesh. Ok, so it's America, and I get that we tend to capitalize on tragedy - I mean, have you seen "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here"? - but this seems to be pushing the bounds of good taste, don't you think?

And on top of the whole "let's eat the face of the deceased" thing, they went and made it worse by making them CCCs. [ptoooiee!]

Ah, the perils of putting a group photo on a memorial cake...

Plus, logistically this begs a question: how exactly do you separate the cupcakes in a CCC when there's a large edible image on them? From my experience, that paper is pretty thick.

Two words: dash placement.

Still, I suppose the question of how you eat it is secondary to "who thought this was a good idea?" Even if the wreckerator's motives were pure, couldn't s/he have put a little more effort into them? I mean, these things give ugly a run for its money.

And finally, I know I'm opening Pandora's box here, but what do you guys think about eating a decorated cake to commemorate someone's death? Seems to me there's a reason most funerals have pie: cake symbolically represents celebration. Granted, we should celebrate someone's life in their memory, but you certainly don't want to be seen as celebrating that the person died.

So again, what do you think? Are these cakes some morbid capitalistic ploy, or simply a sweet gesture?

Aaaand....discuss.

Goodbye Captain Eo

I can remember sitting at a friend's kitchen table and hearing "Thriller" for the first time. The synthesizers, the beat, that creepy voice telling a tale of ghouls "getting down" - I was mesmerized. And even though I was pretty young at the time, that memory has stayed with me for over twenty years.

I bet you have a similar story to tell, and fond memories of the childhood icon who had us wearing silver gloves and practicing our moon walk. So in the spirit of the widespread MJ tributes out there today (and because so many of you asked) here are a few Michael Jackson cakes:

The year was 1984, and everyone at the party was soooo jealous.


Care posted this over at Craftin' on the Couch. It's her sixth birthday cake, and I think you can see it was love at first sight. :)

Moving on to more recent creations...

Oddly enough, at a museum near Budapest there is a life-sized Michael Jackson statue made from marzipan:

Marzipan is an almond paste, by the way. So this isn't technically a cake, but it IS edible - technically. That's my excuse for including it, anyway.

And lastly, this morning Daun D. sent me the tribute cake her office ordered:

Although with all that airbrushing, cracked icing, improper spacing, and head-scratching yellow and gray color combo, it looks like a tribute to Cake Wrecks as well as to the King of Pop. Which is only appropriate, I suppose.

Plus, Daun's office had a moon walk contest, complete with prizes for the winners. See, now that is just awesome. In fact, if you're reading this at work I think you should organize moon walk-offs immediately. And take lots of video, too; you never know when your friends might need to blackmail you.

And finally, here's a snippet of one of my all-time favorite MJ incarnations: Captain Eo. (This was a 3D film at Disney, and I still hold out hope that they'll bring it back, even if just for a few days.)



If you want to watch the whole thing, go here.

Thanks to Rob D. & Liz for helping me find these cakes!


- Related Wreckage: See Michael Jackson's 16th birthday cake here.

NOTE: I know Michael Jackson is a controversial character, but let's keep today's comments in good taste, Ok?

Transformers Going Down in Flames

I recently got an e-mail from Chunks the Pioneer, who told me she is a HUGE Transformers fan, and naturally went to the first 11:59 PM showing of Transformers 2. She also said,

"After seeing it [the movie] I got to thinking, why haven’t we seen any Transformer wrecks in honor of this occasion??? Please don't make me beg!"

Well, Chunks - may I call you Chunks? - first and foremost, I find it interesting that seeing Transformers 2 made you want to see (other?) things that are poorly made.

Hah! I kid, I kid. (Or do I?)

That said, I'm happy to share my extended collection of Transformers Wrecks with you. 'Course, you'd think there would be several Transformers cake kits out by now, but no, there's still just the one:

As you can see they spared no expense with it, though. Why, that piece of cardboard is actually printed in color.

The best thing about this design, however, is that no Wreckerator on earth can replicate it. It's true. "Pointy" is simply beyond this groups' skill set:

Optimus Prime battles the red fingers of doom.

Optimus Prime battles the great ketchup spill of '09.

Oh, wait, I take it back: this Wreckerator did manage "pointy":

But with fronds like those, who needs anemones? Eh? Eh?

And lastly, my favorite:

Mmm. Speckly.

Interestingly enough, this Wreckerator's '72 Pinto has those exact same flames airbrushed on the front bumper. Which is pretty darn ironic, if you think about it.


Hey Meagan D., Misty M., Alicia A., & Barbara N., what do you call an Autobot in denial?
Answer: A boat!

(Get it? Denial? De- Nile? The river? Yeah, us ex-JC skippers rule, thankyouverramuch.)


- Related Wreckage: Optimus Wrecks

UPDATE: My apologies to Chunks the Pioneer, who I mistakenly assumed was a guy, since she is, in fact, a girl. And thanks for having such a great sense of humor about it, Chunks. ;)

This One's For The Ladies

(NOTE: For the ladies, not the kiddies. Still SFW, though.)



NASA wanted to do something special for all the lady astronauts of the world:

And by "special", I mean something big, flaccid, curving to the right, poised to explode into the dark recesses that are out of this world, and that says "Women in Space: We've Come A Long Way".

[biting lip] Wow. So many innuendo-laced jokes, so little time. And if my mom didn't read this blog (Hi, Mom!), you can bet I'd be saying something about the fallacy that men can't organize - much less erect - a project of this size. Or how nice it is to see NASA giving women the upper hand in the space program, so that they, too, can get ahead. In fact, I'd probably wonder aloud if it wasn't rather cold in the exhibit hall, if that wouldn't put too fine a point on it.

However, since my mom *does* read this blog (Hi, Mom!), all I'm going to say is this, and to the cake creator: don't take my good-natured ribbing too hard. The fact that you got a government agency to pay for your services makes you a Wreck star.

And for you deprived souls who didn't get the FotC reference, watch this:





- Related Wreckage: Dirty-Minded Decorators

UPDATE: For you doubting Thomases calling "photoshop" and getting John all aggravated, here's another photo of the same cake:

Source

John is so ridiculously happy about the discovery of this second photo that he's currently singing "Don't Worry, There's Another Shuttle Photo, Be Happy" while I'm typing.

Clearly, I need to get him out of the house more.

The "Year" of the "Grad"

The Grad Wreckage is still pouring in, and here I'm rapidly running out of snappy titles. Drat.

In higher education, time loses all meaning.

See? Even the footstool-wearing stomach-cloud knows "that".

Talk about a repeat-offender: we've got you on 19 counts right here, Wreckerator!

And one more for you "unnecessary" quotation marks fans:

Congrats "class" of "09"?

Looks like someone couldn't take the quotation mark abuse anymore and decided to teach that cake a lesson. It kind of worked, too; it's much harder to notice the quotes now.

And speaking of hard-to-read cakes, there oughta be a law against squiggles that look like words:

Elle? Ollie? Edie? Why does the confetti look like writing, and the diploma scroll look like a Seuss hat? Especially when everyone knows you're supposed to make them look like Swiss Rolls, like this?

(Wreckerators, some day you and I need to have a chat about curly ribbon.)

And you thought your senior prom was awkward.

David R., Anony, Judi I., Jenny T., Kristin L., Sarah F., & Steph H., way to "go"!


- Related Wreckage: And They Say Customer Service is Dead

Minions, Report!

Thank you all for coming to the evil Wrecky henchpersons meeting. There's only one item of business today, so I'll be brief in briefing you with the brief:

Cake Wrecks is up for Funniest Blog at the '09 BlogLuxe Awards.

I'd be super psyched to win it.

Like, super super psyched.

You can vote once a day now through July 6th, simply by typing in your e-mail address.

That is all. Dismissed!

(Oh, and since there are about a billion blogs on the list, you might have a hard time finding Cake Wrecks. I'd advise using the "find" tool on your web browser.)

Celebrating the "Yes" with a bunch of "No"s

There are usually a lot of weddings in June, so I know you're getting sick of all those perfectly lovely wedding and engagement cakes by now, aren't you? [patting your hand] Well don't you worry, dear; that's what I'm here for.

First, fellas, take note: This is NOT how you do it.

"So I was picking up some salami, right? And I see this cupcake thing. Anyway, long story short, I figure, hey, it's cheaper than a real one, and I could go for some nosh right now anyway..."

Once the engagement is set, some couples like to celebrate by getting something big, shiny, and misspelled:


While others like adopting fun new aliases...


Some couples like to keep the guests guessing:

"So did they get their degree, or are they getting married?"
(Answer: getting married. Yes, really.)

Or freaking out the family with something that looks like it should come with a ransom note:

Aaaeeeeiii!!

"Pay up, Bub, or your fiance loses her other hand."

Hey, Paula T., Anony, Veronica, Amanda G., & Anony 2, [pointing with two fingers] engage.

(I've always wanted to do that.)


- Related Wreckage: Hey Nurse, Slip Me Some Tongue!

Falker Satherhood Revisited

(Hey, I did say I had my fingers crossed, right?)

Since Falker Satherhood is one Hallmark card away from becoming the new official name of Father's Day, I thought I'd share how some of you Wreckies celebrated it yesterday.

Lindsay B. did the sensible thing and bought a cake:


While Jan B. and her daughter Ginny made Dad a banner:


Since the original Falker Satherhood cake debuted back in May, though, there are some dissenting opinions on when it should be celebrated. For example, the Big Doofus over at The Big Doofus Blog lists a quick, educational, and completely made-up history of the day as follows:

"Falker Satherhood was celebrated in the tiny Eastern European country of Belgrid to commemorate the beginning of spring and the annual "Dancing Ritual of the Goats."

Dancing goats? Heck yeah! When I was a kid we had two miniature goats as pets, and they were awesome. Why, my mom still has the scars on her shins from little Starbuck's* playful maulings. [getting all misty-eyed] They butt with love, those wee lil' goats: they butt...with love.


*Yes, his name was Starbuck. This was before the coffee shop was popular, though, so the meaning was more along the lines of he was a star at bucking. Or maybe it had something to do with Battlestar Galactica... we ARE a family of geeks, after all.

Father's Day Wrap-Up

Ok, last Dad's Day post, I promise. (But keep in mind that crossing my fingers behind my back nullifies any and all aforementioned promises.)

Yesterday fathers across the globe were given heartfelt messages from their children.
Messages like, "Aren't you glad you put me through college?"

(And if ever there was an icing color that should be banned, "radioactive vomit green" should be it.)

And, "Penmanship isn't everything."

(I saw "Doty" for a solid 30 seconds before realizing that's a wonky capital "A".)

Or, "Are you getting enough fiber?"

Eww.

Then there are the less complimentary messages, though I'm sure they were just as heartfelt. Really.

Like, "You dress like a clown. And not even a funny one."


Or, "I can't even bring myself to call you 'Dad'."


I think this one is "Squint your eyes and it could almost be golf-related, Grandpa."

(Get it? "Grandpa?" 'Cuz it says "Father's Dad"?
Ah, you're no fun at all.)

I guess a lot of people were hoping for "happy father dads":


And finally there's the classic backhanded compliment: "You're #1...

"...at beating orange bunnies with a baseball bat.*"

Vanessa B., Shylah E., Jujyfruit, Amanda L., Mary F., Lauren C., & Bekka T., I hear that's the most sportsmanlike way to go.


* Yes, I know it's supposed to be a fish. So don't go pulling a "Spaceship Earth" on me, hear?