Just Watch Out for the Buttercream Boulder

Here's a fun Raiders of the Lost Ark cake making the internet rounds:


And here's the money shot [smirk]:

Now how cool is that: Lori over at Clever Cake Studio lives up to the name by providing a little marzipan bag for the famous switch! Really, I think more cakes out there should encourage us to recreate famous movie scenes before eating them.

Thanks to Pip and the rest of y'all who shared the link with me.

So What Happens If You EAT the Frog?

A loooong time ago I mentioned my Princess & the Frog Wreck collection. I know the suspense has just been killing y'all since. Well, the wait is now officially over!

First, here's what the design is supposed to look like. (Sort of.)


Kinda cute, huh? Oh, and if that "frog" is looking more like a coiled snake to you, just take comfort in the fact that it's all downhill from here. Aw yeah.

First we have "Princess Pumps Iron":

Hear me now and believe me later: she is here to PUMP [clap] you up! Yaw.

I'm not sure what to make of the pile o' frog there. For the life of me I can't figure out what those little black dots are supposed to be - freckles? Warts?

The misspelled inscription on this one is intentional. The mannish princess and bizarrely splayed frog, however, are not.

And you know I always save the best for last:

Now I know it's hard, but try to look past the evil-villain eyebrows for a moment. I mean, there's so much more Wreckiness here to behold! There's the noodle fingers, the complete lack of legs and feet, the chipmunk nose! And let's not forget the "frog", who has devolved into a levitating stack of green bowling balls. Thank goodness he's got his black dots, though; it's nice to know the decorator has his/her priorities straight.


Thanks to Lauren A., Abby B., & Natalie R.!

Buy Buy Buy

I've had some fun new shirt designs submitted from you oh-so-talented readers, and what better day to share the new arrivals than Black Friday? So c'mon, folks, before that bargain-crazed, triple-espresso high wears off: buy, buy, buy! (And if you catch yourself singing the song later today, my work here will be done.)

First up, a hilariously cute design by Jen Privitera of Kitty Gogo:

If you don't get it, then shame on you, and check out this post. Be sure to visit Jen's site above for more crazy yet cute designs, too.

Phil DeJarnett of www.OverZealous.com came up with two great designs:

I think I'm going to offer the "underneat that" one on an apron as well as a shirt, if for no other reason than so I can order one. :)

Rebecca Bridge of Glitter Bubbles jewelry immortalized our most dangerous Wreck to date:

The thought of all the confused looks one would receive when wearing this shirt makes me ridiculously happy. Is that wrong?

And here's what I came up with in my "free" time:

Simple, classic, and also available as a baby's onesie. What more could you ask for? (Don't answer that. It was rhetorical.)

Click on any of the designs above to go to the Zazzle store. Also, FYI: all the shirts are available in both men's and women's styles: just click "select a different shirt style" on the product description page. Most of them are also available as magnets. Plus, right now Zazzle is offering free shipping on all orders over $45, so be sure to stock up!

Have a great shirt/magnet/bumper sticker idea? E-mail me!

And Now, a Word From Your Thanksgiving Turkey Cakes

Well, it's officially Turkey Day. A day of food and fun for us, sure, but you know who gets the short end of the stick? Ok, well, mostly the turkeys - but turkey cakes, now, they're also bidding us a fond farewell today. Their time in the sun, as it were, is over. Here to comment are some Turkey Cakes. Guys, your thoughts?


"Turkey cakes? Turkey cakes?!? Dude, I'm the frickin' NBC mascot; don't you recognize a peacock when you see one?"


"Uh, I'm pretty sure I'm just an anthropomorphized version of the Statue of Liberty's crown, not a turkey. Sorry."


"Don't look at me! I'm just a cuter version of this guy:"



"Hey ho! Over here!"

"I'm a turkey cookie, does that count? Anyway, I'd just like to know why I have all these cranberries stuffed in my mouth. See y'all next year! Turkeys rule!! Woo-hoo!"


"Well I for one have a bone to pick with my decorator. Jen, would you kindly post some pictures of a turkey and a chicken here?

"Thank you. Ok, now, decorators: look at the heads of those birds. Which of them do I look like to you? Yeah, that's right: a CHICKEN. Is this any way to treat a self-respecting turkey cake? Is it?!?"



"Oh, quit your griping. At least you're not crammed into last year's Valentine cake tin."


"Yeah, or torn limb from limb. Are those my wings behind me? 'Cuz I think they're on fire."



"Well, bye everyone! [sniffle] See you next year!"


Stephani N., Lee G., Blaze B., Jessica H., Colette S., Stacey M., Katje S., & Adrian K., "gobble gobble". (That's turkey for "So long, and thanks for all the Wrecks".)

Creations That Might Possibly Be Representations of Turkeys

But the jury's still out.

You know, Amanda S., I always wondered what Davy Jones would look like as a turkey. I'd say this has got to be spot on.


Kara S., please tell me this is a baby shower cake. (Orange pacifier? Woolly bonnet? It could work.)


Ashley J. has obviously found the "angry tree demigod" species of turkey. Forget Smokey the Bear: now HERE is a mascot that will make you put those campfires out.


And Melissa G. found a...a...hm. Right, you got me. What the heck is this?


Ah, the traditional "Snake in a Flamenco Dress" turkey - of course. But where are the castanets, Erin L.?

And lastly:

Sure, ok, he looks like a turtle whose shell is on fire - no problem. The thing I can't get past are those weird Aztec-looking symbols written on the left "pumpkin's" head. After a few moments squinting at them, I suddenly realized they are supposed to be words. Check it out; it's like one of those magic eye puzzles.

And don't look now, Lynz B., but I think those Twizzlers are supposed to be feet. Won't you join me in weeping for the future of cake art?

Wrecktopia of Cornucopias

After the turkey, it's the quintessential symbol of Thanksgiving: the ol' Horn of Plenty. It's basically a cone-shaped basket filled with fruit and veggies. Everyone got the mental image? Good. Ok, let's ease 'er on into the Wreckiness, then, shall we?


Not bad, not bad - although my teeth are hurting just looking at that ginormous mound of icing, Kat K. Still, there was skill involved in the execution, and here on Wrecks - as in life - we do our best to focus purely on surface beauty. So, moving on.


Hm, we seem to be veering into "ice cream cone filled with flowers" territory, Jana. Still, not horrendous. Next?

Hey, Jessica H., are we sure this is for Thanksgiving? 'Cuz that looks like a burlap Christmas stocking.


Ack! Shiny poo pile! Keep moving, K.R.! Keep moving!


Ah, this is better. A nice, comfy shag rug. Although, what's that on the side?

Oh heck no, Jill S., they did NOT just ice all over the sides of those paper wrappers, did they? Well, there went the whole "Cupcake-cakes aren't as messy" argument. Plus, with those candy corns and green squigglies and all, it looks like someone upchucked over the edge. Yelch.

Of course, you could go to the other extreme:

Jaime L., these cupcakes aren't all iced together into one solid mass, which means two things:
1) By my definition, it's not *technically* a cupcake cake - maybe more like a "cupcake mosaic". A really lazy mosaic, sure, but still not as evil as a CCC.
2) By anyone's definition, it's not *technically* decorated. A scattering of plastic flotsam does not a decorated cake make.

And speaking of cupcake cakes: some of you took me to task yesterday for failing to point out the CCCs in the Fall Fumbles line up. And yet, when I DO hold up those wrecktastic creations for the derision they are so rightly due, others of you complain that I'm harping on CCCs too much. It's like my own personal Kobayashi Maru, honestly. Anyway, rest assured, dear readers, that my left eye continues to twitch uncontrollably with every CCC posting whether I point out its inherent structural deformity or not.

Fall Fumbles

(Once again you guys are outdoing yourselves with the Wrecky holiday submissions. So, prepare for some marathon Thanksgiving posts from now 'til T-day!)



It's a football! It's a turkey! It's a...a...stitched up frankencake with pom-poms! And hey, who needs decorating skills when you can just dump the dollar store's clearance bin in with the cake, right, Carol G.?



Apparently Dudley Do Right wishes us all a happy Thanksgiving. Jacquelyn G., do you suppose the decorator actually used shrimp for those ears, or just made it look that way?


"Pumpkins", Lynz B.? You sure those aren't supposed to be melons? (Bah dum bump!)




Kathryn M found this guy. He's supposed to be a scarecrow, so, you know, props to the decorator for really nailing the "scare" part. I know I'm frightened. I mean, it looks like a wookie in a clown suit. A wookie who shaved his face and then used too much self-tanner, I mean.

Of course, scarecrows are pretty complicated to make. So how about a nice candy-corn shaped cookie? Nothing easier than that, right?


Oh come on! Are you kidding me?!?

Never mind, Mary D., just...just never mind.

Sunday Sweets: Let's Talk Turkey

Debbie of Debbie Does Cakes was kind enough to share some Turkey love with us today. Check it out:

I love this guy. Not only is he gorgeously made, he's a comic gem. I mean, those bug-eyes are just crying out for a thought bubble, don't you think? So Debbie, for next time, here are some options for ya:

1) "Uh, guys? I was told this was more of a stag party..."
2) "Whoah, let's all just relax now, and how's about you put that knife down, eh?"
3) [on seeing the *other* turkey] "Mom?"

Ok, guys, your thoughts?

Turkey Turkey GOOSE

Anytime you see something vaguely bird-like in a bakery this time of year, I guess you have to assume it's supposed to be a turkey. These guys found by Shelley L., however, are plopped somewhere along the line between a bat and a melting chicken:


Now, I must admit: at first glance I thought they were kind of cute. Then I realized that the 4 guys in the middle are smoking cigarettes - now what kind of an example is that? Plus, they're all being goosed by what must be uncommonly sharp candy corns: hellooo! cruelty to batty bird creatures! Not cool, man. Not cool.

Here are some other cupcake creations riding that cute/wtf? line:


Ok, yes, they're round and have googly eyes, and therefore I must love them. However, what the heck are they made of? Is that really solid icing? Please, Michele L., tell me that's not solid icing! What'd they do, ice the things with an ice cream scoop?

Turkeys

With Thanksgiving approaching, bakeries across the nation are churning out turkeys just as fast as they can.

Er, turkey cakes, I mean. Yeah.


I'm not sure who is more confused: me or the decorator who made this:

First I see a weird smiley face whose hair is on fire. Then I see... no, wait - sorry, that's all I see.



Despite the fact that these look like electrified squirrels with blazing tails, they're actually sort of cute. In a frantic, somebody-get-me-a-bucket-of-water kind of way, I mean.


Of course, then there's the turkey who's already been extinguished [smirk]:


(That's a brownie, not a cake. Pretty soon bakeries are going to start "decorating" our loaves of bread, if we're not careful.)

Unless you're eating at a restaurant at the end of the universe, I'm pretty sure your food should never talk to you - much less advocate your imbibing its flesh. Yech.

Then again:


Maybe it's worse when the thing is pleading with you NOT to eat it.

"Thing" being the operative word here, since this looks like the result of craft time at the local preschool. All it's missing is a construction paper hand-tracing for a tail, and maybe a bunch of glitter.

(Hey, now, put that glitter down, Wreckerators; I didn't mean to give you any ideas!)


Thanks to Jessi W., Jocelyn M., Delielah R., and Bonnie B.!

The Displays That Time Forgot

Some people would have you believe that bakeries should update their window display cakes at least once a year or so. To this I say "pish tosh"! Why, check out these stellar examples, still sellin' the goods 10, even 15 years after they were made!


Wow, I don't know about you guys, but I am just itching for some cake right now. Or maybe just itching. Is that blood? Sweet!

(And before you ask, yes, I DO feel rather silly for censoring plastic boobs. Happy?)

Ah, nothing captures the essence of celebration quite like crumbling moldy icing and decapitated clown heads, am I right or am I right? Those customers will be pouring in any second now, I'm sure.

Or how about this one, sure to entice all the would-be brides out there:

Just ignore that fly on the top tier; he's been stuck there for a few weeks now, so we're pretty sure he's dead. Oh, and the flowers?


We call that color "perfect patina". It was inspired by the rusting water pipes in our basement. The dust really completes the look, don't you think?


Here's another one for the happy couple on their Big Day:

Ok, so the bride and groom's eyes have melted down their faces, and his hand has made a break for it down his leg. (Heh - "made a break for it") Even so, I have no doubt that the overall design of the bride huffily facing away from the groom and with her bags packed down below is a top seller.

UPDATE: Some of you have asked if all of these came from the same bakery. Nope! This lovely assortment represents *three* separate bakeries, and I believe all of them were open for business at the time. Ain't it great?

Thanks to Wreckporters Extraordinaire Monique R. and Melissa J.!